Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Monday, December 25, 2006

It's Christmas again!! my favorite time of the year... but i am always barely making it in time to write my christmas cards, and buy all the presents...this year lots of things are different.. nostalgia sets in at times, of unforgotten memories and the warm fluttery feeling that used to be around..but nonetheless, its Christmas, buying presents and christmas cards are just ways of letting ppl know they are not forgotten and they are appreciated and i don't mind not sleeping and being extra tired just to make someone's day. and each Christmas is special even if things get routine... because the main reason of Christmas is to reflect on God's love and share it to those who do not know God.

every christmas eve it seems to be my ritual that i have to stay up and not sleep and finish the gift wrapping and cards.. this year.. i have an extra batch of 50 teens to do sth for... i rolled up green foam paper with handwritten msgs and tied them with a red bow, and slotted 50 lollipops into the foam roll... i did this till 4 am in the morning and lugged myself to church on sunday..din manage to write finish half of my christmas cards! well all went well.. went shopping for the remaining gifts left-- gifts for dads are so hard to buy!!cos they have everything already and the things they want u cant afford. ha.

was so tired..had dinner with family at this turkish place at east point..the food was really not bad! at night i continued to wrap presents and make some for my friends..

every christmas i celebrate with my sec sch girls..and this year is no different..we met up at valarie's house and i cooked spaghetti for the girls..jianning brought potato salad and valarie who is a total dud at cooking just showed us where the pots and pans were. ahaa. vanessa was really late as usual..so she only showed up when the food was ready. ha. took a lot of photos..i'm yet to receive it from them.. vanessa is leaving for india 3oth dec!! and spending half of 2007 in INdia!! for attachment. i am gonna miss her. so yar.. we talked and talked and played this silly game that val likes-- it's so old school. ha. it's called aeroplane game. ha. it's a very cheapo board game, but quite entertaining la.. den we exchanged gifts.. each of us had sth for all of us...alot of accesories this time..ha. had a bracelet from van, earrings from val and a make up pouch and handmade keychain from jianning.. Kaiyin as usual is somewhere in thailand with the kids in pursuit of her dream t be mother theresa. ha. she missed christmas with us 2 years! i guess its for a greater cause. ha. i got jianning a top, a wallet for vanes, and sesame street undies and a handmade bracelet for valarie. it was fun.. we painted our nails and then i had to go off for my annual family christmas celebration at my ah ma's house.

i brought the movie- the Grinch.. my ritual every christmas. haa. watched The Grinch at my granny's place and eat alot alot of food. it was potluck this year.. and the cold weather outside made everything at home seem alot warmer. we exchanged presents!! i had a hard time getting my aunties, uncles, dad, mum, brothers and sister in law presents.. but i hope they all were happy.. i was really low on money.. squeezing out every last drop le. haa my uncle and family got my a really pretty swatch watch and my aunties got my a necklace with a very unique pendant from sk jewellery. (i like!!)

Teens Christmas last week went really super well..and i'm so proud of each teen that participated and those who brought their frens..it's great looking at little young hearts just wanting to know God and do their best for Him!

this year is coming to a close.. and i have to say that this year was really a very challenging one.. the kind of things that have happened. and i think the last half of the year kinda changed my life abit. i dunno.. i know there's sth in me that died, i guess. i just don't feel the same anymore. like there is no more love left to give. like an empty hollow shell. like a shrivelling leaf that has fallen off the tree. I just hope to find whatever i have lost. ppl not only say i've grown fatter. that one hurts me a little, but that's just cos i know i am really fatter cos i eat alot. that's my fault and i can't deny that.. haha.
but something that struck me was ppl said i looked alot sadder. last time i remember ppl characterized me as someone who was always smiling always joyful and always making other happy as well. all they saw was my smile. and i was happy that it was that way. that i could make ppl happy and i could really be so joyful even when deep inside i was really in shambles.
this period of time, ppl started to comment and tell others that i looked sad. my frens start to say behind that smile, they saw sadness. ppl close to me start to say that the glow in my eye has disappeared and become replaced with deep sorrow. when i knew that this christmas, i start to cry. i don't want to be that person that ppl see me now as. i lived to make ppl happy. now it seems like i don't know who i am, why i have let that sorrow show.

I pray God that You will give me joy this christmas. please help me know who I am in You. bring me back to the joy you gave me, heal those scars and stop the bleeding of sadness..restore me. restore my life, and my home.

okay i'm sorry to all for going onto such a dim subject at christmas..well.. to all my NUS frens, see ya all 28th for death note 2!thanks gladys and eugene for inviting us all to ur church concert that day!u danced great, gladys!and for the present, marie and gladys and eugene!!!to ALL..
Blessed Christmas! God loves you! and I do too!